Why should I save sex for marriage?
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When God creates something, He creates it with purpose and design. The Genesis account of creation makes it clear that God’s creation is “good” (Genesis 1:31). But mankind has a history of distorting what God has made, whether out of ignorance or just plain stubbornness. The golden calf (idol) of the Israelites, for example. Gold is beautiful to look at, but God clearly did not want His people worshipping it. Sex (and
yes, sex was God’s idea) is no different. God created it, and therefore it is
reasonable to expect that it is good. But when man distorts it by ignoring
God’s specific standards, it becomes harmful and destructive. So the question
we’ve asked “why save sex for marriage” is really a question of understanding
God’s purpose and design for sex. We can choose to do things God’s way, and experience
the beauty of His plan, or we can choose to do things our way, and experience
harm and destruction (Proverbs 16:25). So, let’s
talk first about why God created sex. One reason is obvious:
procreation. When God told Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28), they probably figured out that
He wanted them to have sex. But God also wanted them to develop intimacy with
one another, and He knew that sex would help them do that, in a way that
nothing else could. God also
knew that because sex is so powerful in creating intimacy that there must be some
constraints on how it was to be used, so He specifically relegated sex to the
arena of marriage. The kind of intimacy that God desires between a married
couple cannot occur between one person and several others; it can only be
experienced between one man and one woman. Hence God has specifically said,
“Do not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14), and “Flee sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18). That is, do not have sex with
someone who is not your spouse. Obedience requires that sex be reserved for
one’s spouse. So far we
have two basic reasons to save sex for marriage: (1) God tells us to, and (2)
God’s purpose and design for sex cannot be fully achieved any other way.
Many, though, have argued that non-marriage sex is not all that harmful.
Let’s look carefully at the potential consequences for this particular area
of disobedience.  The
physical consequences are becoming increasingly obvious and increasingly
dangerous in today’s society. AIDS and other Sexually Transmitted Diseases
are frightening realities. “Safe sex” is more accurately described as
“reduced risk sex.” The only truly safe sex is abstinence. There is also a
very real risk that children could be born — and possibly grow up without two
parents. Your actions affect your life, your partner’s life, and the lives of
your family. They can result in handicapping an innocent baby’s life as well.
Worst of all the willfull destruction of human life often results from pre-marital
sex.) The
relational consequences are just as real, though they may be more difficult
to grasp. First, sin always damages a person’s relationship with his God. Psalm 66:18 says, "If I had cherished
sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened." Intentional
disobedience of God’s command to not commit adultery dishonors and displeases God.
Conversely, God is pleased when His children choose obedience and
self-control instead of the immediacy of pleasure. Second,
relational damage happens between a Christian and those who are watching his
life. The sin of adultery (i.e., televangelist scandals)
causes a person’s friends and even “outsiders” to view the adulterer as less
committed to obedience, and more prone to hypocrisy. But a Christian who
saves himself or herself in obedience to God wins the respect of those who
see his or her life. Sex
outside of marriage also damages the relationship between the persons
involved. Trust is the main issue here. If two people do not cherish sex
enough to wait for a marriage commitment, how can they trust one another for
fidelity? Conversely, a man and woman build trust and respect for one another
when they both survive the struggles of self-control — each will have the
confidence that the other respects them, and cherishes their intimacy. Similarly,
if a person has not carried sexual purity into marriage, his or her marriage
relationship is affected by the past. If a man or woman has previously had
sex with someone else, their marital intimacy has already been affected. One
or both spouses will have to deal with real or perceived comparisons with
“former lovers” and feeling that intimacy was not important enough for the
other person to wait for it. But if both have waited for their wedding night,
the intimacy has already begun with a solid foundation. Why save
sex for marriage? We’ve
discussed several reasons: (1) God commands us to, (2) God’s purpose and
design for sex can only be achieved within marriage, and (3) the physical and
relational consequences of sex outside of marriage are painfully real. "But
we’re in love!" some might say. Maybe so, but if one believes in
God’s definition of love, he must realize that love is
patient and kind; it does not seek to please itself, nor does it delight in
evil, but is always hopeful (1 Corinthians 13). True love would be patient in
waiting for the proper time for sex. It would
be kind to future spouses by not pre-harming marital intimacy. True love
would be unselfish in placing God’s desires and the needs of others above
itself. It would not delight in the evil of disobedience, nor would it force
another to disobey God. Love could never be a reason for premarital sex;
rather, it should be one of the greatest reasons to avoid premarital
sex. "But
we’re going to be married anyway" is another common excuse. Along with being
presumptuous, this stance will almost certainly leave one question
unanswered: If one gives in to moral temptation before marriage, what’s to
stop him or her from giving in to moral temptation once married? "What
if it’s too late? What if I’ve already forfeited my sexual purity?" Good
question! Certainly a person cannot reverse the past, but there are a number
of steps one should take to keep from further damaging his or her intimacy
with God and others. First,
acknowledge your actions as sin. For those who have accepted Christ’s payment
of the penalty for their sins, He asks only that they confess - agree with
God that they are sinful. Second,
maintain purity from this moment forward. Jesus told the woman caught in
sexual sin to “go and sin no more” (John 8:11). You cannot change what’s been
done, but you can keep yourself and others from any further damage by
avoiding situations which might cause you to compromise your commitment to
sexual purity. Paul advised Timothy to run away from temptation (2 Timothy 2:22), and Joseph is famous for running from moral
danger (Genesis 39:7-12). Third, be
honest with anyone who is a “potential spouse” — don’t wait till your wedding
night to discuss your sexual past. Some intimacy problems may be averted if
you address them early on. Sex is a good thing. It must be, if God created it! The only way to keep
it a “good thing” is to follow God’s guidelines. God will reward you if you
choose to honor Him, and save sex for its proper time and place — your
marriage. Author:
George Martin and Scott Myers |
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